At the ripe old age of 27 I was done!
A bottle of pills or a bullet in the head I didnt care but I wanted nothing more than to check out! As I walked into the office of a counselor I was refered to by a minister friend I couldnt imagine what this guy could tell me that I hadnt heard from a hundred other well meaning, self righteous individuals who had no problems in their life in any way, shape or form like mine. I didnt care about anything, there was no color in my world only shades of grey that brought me to a crippling reality- “I could not overcome that which I was and God must be sadistic to have made me this way!”
The year was 1992 and in those times and in those places where I was raised to live in the confines of a black and white reality, well one didnt talk about such things as the being inside me. I was wrong and evil and weak to think of that which I had adpoted as a temporary pain reliever from the time my Dad was processing through his battle with cancer. But when one is 10 years old grasping the fact that the strongest man in the world lies helpless on his death bed is not exactly the subject you gain insight on by watching Saturday morning cartoons. A temporary escape was provided but like all temporary escapes it came at a price and at 27 I was facing the check with a pocket full of lint to pay the bill.
Why would a Loving God allow this? Wasnt God big enough and strong enough to ease my pain and hold my hand through this? Could a 10 year old that just lost his world Ever understand a God Who he trusted before it was gone.
By 25 years old I had perfect attendance in Sunday School, had more verses of the Bible memorized than any 20 people in the church put together, I had accepted Christ, been baptized, sang solos in multiple churches, spoke to several churches and was even called a “spiritual adult” by the head of a major religious denomination worldwide. So why was this happening to me? What was the purpose of the pain?
I didnt have the slighteset clue to the answer as I had “done” everything I could “do” to include spending 4 weeks at a Christian counseling lock down center.
My name is Bob Hildreth and this is why I write, speak and breathe today. In a nutshell BeGraceFull.com and my life is all about Grace.
If you are stll reading and you want to know more a great place to start is “Let The Journey Begin” where I would encourage you to read the questions and examine the answer based on scripture and what your heart connects with. The spiritual path is a journey and perhaps your journey will connect with something here and perhaps not. The reason “Let The Journey Begin” is titled that way is simple for me the point of hearing about Grace was the point where I began to become unstuck from the muck and mire of destination spirit and began a journey of Love that is unending, Peace the passes All understanding and an Ease of a burden that would have had me in an early grave. Check it out and answer these simple questions here:
http://robertd128.sg-host.com/let-the-journey-begin/
So with all that said, welcome to BeGraceFull.com, enjoy the site, read the articles, listen to the podcast, watch the videos and journey on!
