Looking back on my suicide attempts I can easily point out the moment where what I thought was the light wasn’t! What I mean by that is this – most churches teach a denominational gospel at best which will lead people to think that God is part of that denomination and limited to the way that group thinks. If you think differently – well you are obviously going against God Almighty! The solution is to start seeing God as bigger than small minded people desperately clinging to a limited god they were taught by their parents! The reason for suicide is that the god people follow is too small for the problems they face! Care to take a closer look at this:


Why suicide?


Why is pressure a good thing?


Were any heroes of the Bible ever suicidal?


We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” – 2 Corinthians 1:8-9


If God raises the dead do you think He can handle your trouble you face today?


The reason for suicide and my effort to attempt suicide looking back is really rather simple – to much human dependence and not enough God dependence.


If you take a look at any of the “heroes” of the Bible you will find at some time they had extreme “despair of life itself.” Later almost all of them were really rather happy that they did have that- Why?


Because they learned one very important, Grace-Full lesson – Depend on Him! Not on peoples opinion of you, not on your memberships, money, body or anything else that we can so easily rely on.


The “kingdom of God” is within you but that doesn’t mean that learning to rely on it is a one-time lesson and that is exactly what Paul talks about here as he even thought they had “the sentence of death.”


I have found in my life, when I am in despair many and indeed most of the time it comes down to being dependent on something other than the only One that I can really let go to-God!


Here is a meditation for you. Find a time and a place where you probably won’t be disturbed and start by taking several deep breaths. With every exhale see God taking your stress and really focus on relaxing your face and jaw muscles. Now stay relaxed especially in the jaw and face muscles and begin to breathe normally and just feel and follow your breath as best you can. Try to follow your breath and not your thoughts that are trying to pull your attention away. As you do this:


Breathe in and say to yourself:



Breathe out and say:

You Alone


Practice this for several days until you feel like your stress is melting and your trust in Him is growing.




God Is Love

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4 Comments on Suicidal Blessings!

  1. zelia says:

    May God be always with You, protect You and all people that work with You to bring the Christian words to the world.
    May God bless and protect You all, abundantly.

    • Bob Hildreth says:

      Thank you so very much! God has used you this day and you are such a blessing to me!
      Thank you alaways for your prayers, thoughts and Love!

  2. Brandi says:

    I’ve lost two brothers to suicide, and tried (a few times) myself to leave in that same way. I can’t argue with you – too much human dependence, not enough God dependence. But, how do we help those – like my brothers, and myself back then – realize that God really is on their side?

    God bless you, Bob.

    • Bob Hildreth says:


      Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate your openness and honesty on this. I know for me after my last suicide attempt I found myself in my 2nd counseling treatment lock down center and a very wise man shared with me a Biblical concept that I had heard of but never been fully exposed to primarily because no one knew its full extent. the concept has lead me to an understanding of His Love that goes beyond anything I was raised with but it has healed me. Keep in mind I was on anti-depressants for years and my lifestyle is one that I workout, eat healthy and meditate everyday – I no longer take antidepressants and havent for some time but I would go back and take them if I needed to in a heart beat.
      Can I encourage you to try one thing?
      Answer these 7 simple questions – make this Bible study a point of two weeks worth or a month worth of serious self examination into who you think God is and what role His Love has in your life – and let me know what you come up with.
      Here is the link:

      Another thing I would encourage you to do is to check out Brennan Manning on YouTube – He suffered like we suffer and his sermons are incredible!
      I would like to stay in touch with you and please let me know how you are doing. I am your brother, I love you and God Radically Loves you!


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